


it's all gone to rust

by Wildspace



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, and lewis is there for him, george is just sad, post bahrain 2.0, there is absolutely zero plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:41:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27945470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildspace/pseuds/Wildspace
Summary: Lewis calls George to comfort him after the race because it's what they do. They put each other back together when one of them falls into pieces.
Relationships: Lewis Hamilton/George Russell
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	it's all gone to rust

**Author's Note:**

> first time writing for lewis/george, and it wasn't supposed to be this fic. then the end of the race happened, and well, writing angst is my coping mechanism and had been for years. so, this is me, coping.

He knows Lewis is going to call, he _knows_ it, but still, he surprises when his phone actually starts ringing. The sound is deafening in the silence of his room and he almost doesn’t pick up. He knows he’s going to start crying again if he hears Lewis’ voice and he already sheds too many tears today, he doesn’t want to break down a second time today. He’s not a kid anymore, he has to prove to people he’s mature and he can keep his emotions in check. Still, a part of him wishes Lewis was there so he could put all his broken pieces back together - just like he did back in Imola. He finally, _finally_ , answers the phone and Lewis has barely said his name (his voice hoarse, and so, _so_ , soft) that tears are already rolling down his cheeks. Again. George wipes them with the back of his hand, angry with the way he feels, and frustrating with the way his day turned out. “Do you want to talk about it?” Lewis' voice in his ear brings him back to earth and he makes a noise in the back of his throat. He wants to talk about the race to Lewis but all he has in him right now is anger and frustration and he doesn’t want to talk badly about Lewis’ team to Lewis himself. He doesn’t have to decide what to say in the end because his lover knows him like the back of his hand and ends up telling him that “it’s okay to be angry at the team, they screw up big time”. George lets a shaky breath out of his mouth, a fist clenching next to him on his bed. There is another beat of silence, neither George answering nor Lewis saying more comforting words. And then, the words are tumbling out of George’s mouth and nothing stopping them anymore.

“It’s just. It’s just so fucking unfair. I was going to win. This was _my_ win. Not Max, not Bottas, not Charles. This was my win, and I was going to win it after less than three days in a car too small for me. I was going to show them how good I am if you put me in a decent car. I did good, I _know_ I did, but it wasn’t enough. I got screw by the team, then I got a fucking puncture and I almost had a penalty for something that wasn’t my fault.” There is silence again because Lewis knows George isn’t finished with his rambling and he also knows he needs the venting. And that’s what Lewis is here for, listening to all the emotions, raw and brutally honest. So that’s what he does, he lets George say what is on his heart and makes a non-committable sound to let him know he’s still here, still listening, always listening. “I’m angry at the team, and I _know_ I shouldn’t because they give me an incredible opportunity and it’s not their fault I got a puncture in the end, but still. I just. I wanted more than 9th place. I _deserved_ more. The win got taken away from me, twice, but I still fought it and got back up. Until I couldn’t fight anymore and couldn’t do more than a 9th.” He goes silent one more time, and when he starts speaking again, he sounds exhausted. “I wanted to do good, I _needed_ to do good.”

This time, Lewis doesn’t wait for a beat of silence, his words leaving his mouth as soon as the ones in George’s mouth are out in the air. “You did good, George. You did better than good. You did exceptionally. You were brilliant, and you drove so much better than Valterri who’s been in this car for an entire season. You were bruised, stuck in a car too small for you, with bloody knuckles and shoes that weren’t your normal size, and yet, you drove like a man who should have been in this car all year long. You fought your way back to first place, not once but twice, and you managed to get back to p9 after dropping back at the end of the pack. You were fantastic, George, and I know you don’t believe that right now, but it’s not your fault. You did more than great in a car that wasn’t made for you, and you got screwed by the team and then got a puncture, and it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault.” There is silence on the other side of the line while George is trying to let Lewis’ words sink into his mind. He knows his lover is right, he just has a hard time accepting it. It’s not his fault. He didn’t cause the screw up in the pit crew, nor did he get a puncture on purpose. It’s unfair, it’s so damn hard to accept, but it’s life. “If you were in the car, you would have said no to the pit stop,” he ends up saying to Lewis. There is no silence this time between George’s words and Lewis’ answer. “Yes, maybe I would have overruled the team, but I have fourteen years of experience behind me and many mistakes I cried over before I started trusting my guts.” In the background of Lewis’ line, George can hear Roscoe snoring and it’s stretching a tiny smile on his lips. “You deserved better today, and it’s going to be hard for some time, but it’s in the hard times that you learn the most. You are brilliant George, and you are going to keep being brilliant because you are born to be a star. And when you have enough experience, you will learn to trust your guts and you’re gonna be unstoppable.” There is pride in Lewis’ voice and love. So much love. There is also certainty in his words like he’s stating facts. He doesn’t think George is going to be a star, he _knows_ he is. 

George doesn’t know how to respond to that, he is overwhelmed with too many emotions at the same time - love, anger, sadness, frustration, longing. He wishes he could go to Lewis’ room and let the older man comfort him until he’s too tired to be awake anymore, but he can’t. They just can’t do that right now. They have to settle for phone calls and facetimes, and missing each other like crazy. “I love you,” George says in the end. _Thank you._ “I really, really, miss you. I didn’t think it would be that hard, being away from you.” His voice breaks a bit on the last word because he’s missing Lewis more than he expected and today had been already hard enough without putting his need to see Lewis on top of that. “I know, I miss you too.” George’s not sure if it’s because of the amount of love in Lewis’ voice or if the day is finally taking its toll on him, but he feels like sleep is running towards him and he’s losing the race. He’s trying to fight it because he really wants to keep talking to Lewis - they both had been focusing on other things than each other for the last few days; Lewis on his recovery, George on his race weekend. He makes a non-committable sound to let the other man know he’s still there but he must sound really sleepy because Lewis tells him to go to sleep. “You can call me tomorrow if you want to talk.” There are protests on George’s side and he’s quick to say “You know I always want to talk to you”. It makes Lewis laugh a little, which draws a smile on George’s lips. He’s always happy to make Lewis laugh, even if he was sad a second before that. He’s practically asleep when Lewis’ voice is back in his ear. “Sooner than you think, your name will be written amongst the greatest.” George is exhausted, full of love, sadness, and frustration but mostly, he’s so thankful to have someone like Lewis in his life. He doesn’t say that, because Lewis already knows everything, so instead, he says “Right next to your name.” And Lewis agrees, “Right next to mine.”

(He feels asleep with Lewis’ “I love you” in his ear.)

(Like every night for the last year and a half.)

**Author's Note:**

> (title is from the song "gold dust" by banners.)  
> [tumblr](https://imahighfunctioningdisaster.tumblr.com/)


End file.
